First Comes Love

We've all heard the saying, you have to love yourself before someone else can love you. Good advise, right? The truth is, this is simple in theory, but the challenge is applying it in the real world.

As I see it, there are two worlds: the ideal world of peace & harmony in which people accept us as we are (and our relationships last until death do we part) and the real world. Ah yes, the real world. The world of reality we are forced to exist in daily, also known as life would be better if only Ill let you fill in the blanks, but some of the grievances Ive heard are, If only I were taller, If only my boobs were bigger, If only I had more money, If only my hair were longer or straighter and the all time chart topping favorite, If only I lost 15 20 pounds.

Why do we feel the need to oblige that persistent little voice, in our heads, convincing us we are not worthy? It persuades us to financially spend beyond our means, seek others approval and, basically, be miserable in our own skin. Where do these feelings of inadequacy, or the if onlys, come from? They come from TV, film, fashion, music and a host of other media were bombarded with every single waking moment of our lives. Society dictates how we should look, think and feel about ourselves, as well as how we treat others.

Add a non-supportive family or an abusive personal relationship and you have the ingredients for a dangerous cocktaillow self esteem. My jaw drops, in utter shock, when I listen to some of the comments made by parents to their children, husbands to their wives and vice-versa. You would be so much more attractive if only you were more outgoing. Dont you want boys to like you? and Youre too fat. No one will ever love you if you dont lose weight are among the statements Ive heard, many times in public. Is it any wonder so many folks are walking around with a serious case of the if onlys? Some of the poor souls making these statements dont even realize how much damage theyre doing. They are merely regurgitating the negativity theyve had to swallow throughout life. It is an unfortunate, vicious cycle.

Low self esteem is to our happiness what Kryptonite is to Superman. When we allow it into our lives, we become vulnerable, weak and with prolonged exposure, it can kill us. Most of us, at some time or other, have been found guilty of allowing others to impose their ideas of perfection on us. Like you, I have spent a good portion of my adult life trying to figure out how to deal with it or, better yet, how to become a master at blocking it. Somewhere along the way, I suddenly realized I forgot one very important thingme. I forgot how much I really do love me. I love my spirit, I love my personality, I love my smile, I love my sense of humor, I love my laugh, I love my voice, I love my fashion sense, I love my sexiness and sensuousness, I even love my sarcastic side. When is the last time you looked in the mirror and reminded yourself of what you love about you?

You see, first comes love. Love yourself and all the unique things that make you, you. If you want to work on you, thats fine, but do it out of love. If you want to try a funky new hairstyle, do it for you. Dont do it because your Mom thinks youd be prettier if you cut your bangs. If you want to lose weight, do it for you and the better quality of life it will afford. Dont do it because the man you think you love cant be with you unless youre a size 2.

Yes, the old saying about loving yourself is true. First comes love of self, then comes the ability to truly love, and be loved by, someone else. Stop waiting for a significant other to define you. They should compliment who you already are. This concept of loving yourself may not happen overnight, but allow it to happen. Think of the process as a critical, life-changing, mind altering operation. First comes loveyour life depends on it.

Jade Scott is the voice of The Heart of a Woman. Regarding her willingness to share, she says: "At first, I was extremely reluctant. Why?...because Im an introvert in the truest sense of the word. Im a quiet and reflective type of person. If you ask for my opinion, be rest assured Im going to think about it before I respond. Now, dont get me wrong. I have an opinion or something to say about almost everything, but until today it was reserved for the select few with whom I share my innermost thoughts. My decision to express myself, in this type of forum, stems from a conversation I had with my best friend. She is of the mindset that ideas, passions and life-lessons are for naught if you dont share them. Its in sharing that they grow, develop and help others."

Read and share more with Jade at http://date-your-mate.com/heartofawoman/